What's Lost, What's Gained
by Zeros Lost Soul
Summary: A telling of Heero and Relena after Endless Waltz. Heero thinks Relena is dead and his life starts going down hill but then he finds her.
1. prolouge

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters. Prologue What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
He sat at the bar, his elbows on the flat surface, an empty shot glass in his hand.  
  
"Pour" the quiet man said to the bartender.  
  
"I think you've had enough."  
  
"One more, to kill the pain." He lacked any variety in his voice as he spoke, his voice low and painful. He had the wild look of a loner, and the order of a soldier. The bartender poured the liquor into the shot glass. He downed it quickly and drop two twenties on the bar and walked out.  
  
"I hope he doesn't kill himself," The bartender said to himself quietly as he prepared to close the bar.  
  
Heero looked to the motorcycle that awaited him, for some reason a memory came to mind.  
  
Flash back, 1 year, 8 months, 4 days before.  
  
He stood in front of the huge house as the fires consumed it like a hungry beast. He stood there stunned, but you would never know it if you looked at him. His face was emotionless. The paramedics and fire crew rushed all around him, trying there best to do what they could.  
  
"Heero! They haven't found her yet, but there's still hope, I'm sure she made it out all right, there's no way she'd." Heero took a step toward the house as Duo spoke. Duo looked at his long time comrade as he walked toward the house. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Duo had never seen Heero shed a tear for anything, he knew he cared for her, maybe even loved her. Heero then fell to his knees on the grass his head down as he closed his eyes and the tears ran down his face.  
  
Present Day.  
  
He pushed the key in the slot as he climbed onto the bike. They never found her body he remembered, if she was alive, he would find her. 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
2 Years Before Prologue.  
  
  
  
He had been a preventor since a few weeks after the Barton foundation's attempt at taking over. He was the best that they had; no one would, or could, say other wise. Not that he cared.  
  
He was currently lying on his bed in the small apartment like dwelling that the Preventors provided. He lay awake thinking of what had happened during the war and the short episode a year after. He thought about the other pilots, the job he now had, the work he had done for them, and most importantly, he thought about Relena.  
  
He had seen her since the incident, even talked to her a few times. Their conversations were brief usually, not lasting more than a few sentences most of the time. He remembered when she held him in her arms in the underground fortress of the Bartons. Her touch was so light, so gentle. He shook his head to clear his mind. The soldier in him was telling him to stop thinking of such unimportant distractions as a girl, not a girl he told his subconscious, a woman, the strongest woman he knew. What did she see in him that was so worthy, so noble? He had a meeting scheduled in a few minutes with her, maybe he would ask her.  
  
"How have you been Heero?" She inquired in a silky voice.  
  
"Fine." He answered gruffly.  
  
"You really ought to open up a bit Heero, one word sentences are not how you make conversation." How did she do this to him? Make him want to be human.  
  
"I've been working for Preventors for the past few weeks. I'm leaving on a mission tomorrow." She smiled. What a perfect place he had chosen to talk. They were sitting in a candle lit booth in a small restaurant with a dark comfortable atmosphere. She sipped the red wine in front of her and swished it around in the glass.  
  
"When will you be back?"  
  
"I'm not sure yet." He replied calmly.  
  
"Well, I hope you're not gone to long. I'd hate to not have these talks anymore." He looked into her eyes. They showed what looked something like guilt or maybe sorrow. It was gone as fast as it came.  
  
"I probably won't be coming back."  
  
"What? What are you talking about, of course you'll be back." She was taken aback. She studied his face. "Why?" Her eyes showed fear, regret, pain, she seemed like she might break down in tears.  
  
"I'm not ready to start living a normal life. All I've ever been is a soldier Relena. I don't know how to live in a world with out war and battles. I'm not ready yet." He said looking down at the almost empty glass of wine.  
  
"I'm sorry then Heero. Have a good life." She stood up and started to walk away. The tears in her eyes were threatening to fall. He got up to go after her. He stepped outside the door to catch up to her.  
  
"Relena." He called to her. She started to walk faster toward her car. 'I won't cry in front of him. I won't cry in front of him. I won't cry.' He grabbed her wrist. "Relena." It was barely a whisper. She turned around to face him but avoided his eyes. The tears began to fall. 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
The tears began to fall. He reached up a hand to wipe away the droplets of salty water. "Shhh. Don't cry Relena." She tried to shake his hand off.  
  
"Why shouldn't I Heero? They only man I've ever loved has just told me he's leaving and won't be coming back. How can I not cry?" The tears were coming in full force. He leaned down so he could look at her face.  
  
"You love me?" He said with a questioning look in his eyes. She looked at him and nodded, slowly. He pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'll drive you home." He said still holding her to his chest. They sat down in the car and he began to drive her home in silence.  
  
  
  
He walked up to her room behind her. They stopped in front of her door.  
  
"Heero, Please, stay with me tonight, I can't stand the thought of you just walking away from my door as the last time we'll ever see each other." He nodded and stepped inside the room. Before she had a chance to walk any farther away from him he wrapped his left arm around her waist and took her chin with his right hand.  
  
"Relena, we'll see each other again, I'm not sure when, but I'm not ready to live in this world just yet." He said this as he leaned down to capture her lips in a light kiss. She shuddered against him. 'How could such a light touch cause so much feeling?'  
  
They came apart with little breath left in their lungs. She pulled him to the bed. He lowered her down on the satin blankets as he began to kiss her more passionately. That night she asked him to love her as a promise he would one day come back, he complied with full force and no regret. 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
She woke up the next morning with the sun in her eyes in an empty bed. There was no trace that any one had been there the night before. She tried to find some trace of him, something to tell her it wasn't a dream. She still felt sore from what they had done the night before. She laid her head back down and began to cry into the pillow, which still held his scent.  
  
  
  
Nothing appeared to be wrong the first few days. She was working fine and nothing was out of order. It only lasted a week. She started sleeping less; one could rarely find her eating. She started to wear herself thin, coming to work earlier, leaving later. Heero's absence was taking its toll on her. It wasn't just that he was gone, he had been gone before, but this time he might not come back.  
  
She started to feel different, not just tired and hungry from the lack of food and sleep, but she was feeling off. She stopped coming to work. She stayed at home and did her work from there. She started think she was ill. It wasn't till a month later that she realized her period was late.  
  
  
  
Heero found himself on a battlefield in space. Fighting mobile dolls that never stopped coming. He had fired his maximum in shots from his buster rifles and was now taking them out by beam saber. If he fired one more shot from the rifles, it might destroy what was left of his Gundam and even kill him. He had no choice. He started flying back away from the dolls at top speed. He turned around and fired.  
  
He woke with a start in the white room. It took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the light.  
  
"He's awake doctor." A nurse was standing over him with her hand on an intercom on the wall. He began to recall what happened. He fired the shot that could have killed him. Some how he survived. 'Relena'  
  
  
  
She picked up the vid-phone and called her brother on mars. "Brother, I need you to do me a favor."  
  
"Anything."  
  
"I need to get away from this place."  
  
"Heero? He left didn't he?" The tears started to come back.  
  
"Yes. He did."  
  
"What do you need me to do?"  
  
"I need you to help me fake my death."  
  
"Relena, why do you want this?"  
  
"Milliardo, I can't live like this anymore, I need to be somewhere where I have people who care about me, not my political status."  
  
"Alright, I'll make the arrangements."  
  
Heero tried to get out of the bed, but his body didn't want to cooperate. From what the doctor had told him, he had three broken ribs, a fractured femur, second and third degree burns and various other injuries. By the time he could escape, he had been there over a month. He had only one thing on his mind. He had to get back to Relena. 


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
She watched the television as it displayed images of her burned down home. She was on a shuttle to mars to meet her brother and stay with him and his wife. She placed her hand on her abdomen; she had found out earlier that day that she was not the only one going to mars. But her child was going with her.  
  
  
  
He stood in front of the huge house as the fires consumed it like a hungry beast. He stood there stunned, but you would never know it if you looked at him. His face was emotionless. The paramedics and fire crew rushed all around him, trying there best to do what they could.  
  
"Heero! They haven't found her yet, but there's still hope, I'm sure she made it out all right, there's no way she'd." Heero took a step toward the house as Duo spoke. Duo looked at his long time comrade as he walked toward the house. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Duo had never seen Heero shed a tear for anything, he knew he cared for her, maybe even loved her. Heero then fell to his knees on the grass his head down as he closed his eyes and the tears ran down his face.  
  
  
  
"Do you think he survived, Milliardo?" Relena questioned her brother.  
  
"I don't know Relena. I don't know." He answered his sister. "If he did, are you going to tell him your alive?"  
  
"No. He left me brother. I don't even know if he'll care if I died." Milliardo eyed his sister in her depression. He knew he was alive, but Relena needed to be away from him right now. She was pregnant with his child, and he probably didn't give a damn.  
  
  
  
"Heero, I want you to take it easy for a while. I know how hard this is for you." Lady Une tried to comfort him.  
  
"You have no idea how hard this is for me." He said surprisingly calm. At that, he stood up and left.  
  
The trail of vehicles behind the coffin-laden vehicle was miles long. The funeral however, was kept private to family and friends. The first to pass by her empty coffin to put something in was her adopted mother, who put a locked book, presumably a diary, inside. Next were Duo and Hilde, they put a few various items in. It was the same until the last person, Heero, came by. He pulled three items from his jacket, a teddy bear with a ribbon around its neck, a letter, and a small velvet jeweler's ring box. No one questioned any of the items he set down in the coffin. He then pulled his Preventors jacket tight around him, and proceeded to stay silent through the ceremony and even after the eight foot wooden box was buried. It wasn't until dawn that he looked away from the grave and walked away. 


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
A Few Months Later.  
  
Heero found himself in the same bar he had been in every night after every mission. The same thing every time, five shots of vodka. He never knew how he made it home each time with out getting in a car accident. He paid the bartender and stood up to leave.  
  
  
  
Relena was starting to swell quite large now. She was in her seventh month of pregnancy. By now she could feel the child moving inside of her. Milliardo and Noin had been so kind to her; they provided her with her own apartment in the Mars colony dome. But she still thought of him almost every night. What would have happened if he hadn't left? Would she be curled up in his arms in bed right now if he were still around? Would he place his palm on her swollen abdomen and feel the child kick? Sometimes she regretted her decision to leave earth. What if he had come back while she was gone? Then the truly haunting question came. What if he never came back at all?  
  
  
  
He was on another mission, taking out jury-rigged Leos. They didn't stand a chance against a Gundam. When he was finished, he landed the mobile suit in the hanger and was about to get out when the ZERO system turned it self on. Images flashed before his eyes. Relena. An infant. Himself. He was confused and lost. He opened the cockpit and went to the same old bar to lose him self again.  
  
The next day he arrived at the small office he had and there was a message on his desk.  
  
Report to my office immediately. -Une  
  
We did as it was told and walked to her office.  
  
"Do you know why I called you up here Heero?" she said with her back to him as she looked out the window.  
  
"No"  
  
"I'll tell you why. Your performance as of late has come into question, as well as driving home every night intoxicated. Clean your self up Yuy, or your fired. You are suspended until you get your act together. Get out of my office."  
  
"Ma'am" He walked out with out a second glance back.  
  
Yet again he some how found himself at the bar. The only difference was that now it was a bottle of whisky to take home.  
  
Duo was the one that found him. Passed out on the floor with the remainder of liquor soaked into the carpet. He didn't tell any one. He just helped his friend through the hangover and told him to pick up the pieces of his shattered life.  
  
"Heero, I know Relena is dead. But you have to move on. You can't live like this. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you, don't toss it away."  
  
"She was my life Duo. Leave."  
  
  
  
He was at the bar once again.  
  
"Pour." But this time to bartender said something.  
  
"I think you've had enough." It was the first time he had ever denied him a drink. He knew after nearly two years of the same thing and he suddenly changed it, something was wrong.  
  
"One more, to kill the pain." Maybe this man who he had never actually talked to had lost a woman or something, it wasn't his place to inquire. The man paid and walked out.  
  
The memory of the burning house came back to him. The thought ran its course like a movie then ended.  
  
He pushed the key in the slot as he climbed onto the bike. They never found her body he remembered, if she was alive, he would find her. 


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
He arrived at Preventors base and proceeded to walk up to Une's office.  
  
"I need three months vacation." She looked up from the report she was reading and stared at him.  
  
"Are you going to go to that bar?" She questioned him.  
  
"No."  
  
"Good, then you got three months." She then continued reading the report.  
  
Several Months Earlier.  
  
She lay down on the hospitable bed. It would only be a matter of days before her daughter was born. She thought of Heero, what it would have been like if he was there in the hospital room with her, comforting her, telling her she was beautiful when she was to go into labor and her hair was wet against her forehead and she looks like she's been through hell. She smiled at the thought, Heero complimenting someone, or even mentioning a bit of sympathy or encouragement.  
  
Present Day.  
  
First he went to the colonies. He searched every money transaction and hospital record there was to try and see something that might lead to her. He checked possible addresses she had when she was on vacation. Nothing came up. He searched the moon colony. It wasn't until he met up with Duo that he had another idea.  
  
"Man, I got to meet another mars shuttle half way for parts again. Sorry Hilde looks like I'm going to be gone for another 2 weeks." Duo apologized to his wife as of late; they had been married last month.  
  
"Duo, do you really need to go?" She pleaded with him.  
  
Heero just listened to it from the room he was renting from them while he was on L2. It came to him. Milliardo had said something about going to mars before he and Noin had disappeared. He still remembered it when Zechs talked to him about it. "It was a perfect place for a dead man to go." He had said. 'What about a dead woman?' 


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
"Push Relena!" Noin and Milliardo were cheering her on while she was in labor. Her heavy breathing was loud and exhausted. Her screams of pain her heard down the hallways. She pushed the infant with all her strength.  
  
"Come on, her head is almost out. Keep going." The doctor offered what little encouragement he could while concentrated on the task at hand.  
  
"I'M TRYING!" She screamed in pain.  
  
One Year, Four Days Later.  
  
Heero arrived at the docking port of the mars dome. He left the shuttle and headed for the nearest apartment complex for the last two months of his 'vacation'. He managed to get a cheap apartment and started monitoring anything he could that might give him a clue as to where she might be. 'If she's alive.' A part of his brain told him. He shook the thought from his head.  
  
It was almost two weeks before he came up with something. Four names were listed from a hospital record.  
  
Zechs Marquise Lucrezia Marquise Relena Marquise Saline Marquise  
  
He saw the names and wondered who Saline was. Maybe Zechs and Noin had had a child. He found the addresses and found that Saline was for some reason with Relena. He didn't spend too much time on the thought. He was to overcome by the feeling that he had at last found her. 


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
He grabbed his jacket and made his way to the door. Today he was going to see Relena again for the first time in over two years. He walked to the address he found and looked at the door. He raised his hand to knock but hesitated. What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she found some one else? Consequences be damned he thought and he knocked on the door. For a while all he heard was silence. Then.  
  
"Just a minute." Came the voice of the one he had come to see. He heard the padding of feet against carpet as she walked to the door. He heard a click as the lock turned back and the doorknob turned.  
  
The door opened. Her eyes locked onto him as she realized who it was. "Heero." She whispered.  
  
"Relena." He eyed her up and down; she didn't look much different then when he last saw her, only more relaxed. She moved out of the doorway and extended her hand as an invitation to enter. He stepped inside and the door closed.  
  
"What can I do for you Heero?" He let out a sigh.  
  
"Forgive me?" He nearly sounded like he was pleading.  
  
"And why should I do anything for you Heero? You take my love for you and toss it out the window like it was a piece of trash. Is that all I am to you Heero?" She was interrogating him in an angry tone.  
  
"Please Relena, I want to fix the mistake I made. I want to make things right. I want you to come back with me to earth." He was pleading now. An infant's cry was heard from the back of the apartment.  
  
"I can't just pick up and leave like that Heero." She said as she walked to the back of the apartment. He followed her.  
  
"There's someone else isn't there?" He asked in a low tone.  
  
"You could say that." They were almost to the back room.  
  
"Then I'll leave. I won't bother you again." He stopped and started to turn around to walk back out.  
  
"Wait a second Heero." She said coming back out into the hall. "The person I was talking about was Saline here." She said as she held an infant in her arms.  
  
He turned around to face her. He looked down at the now sleeping child. "Only you could make something so pure and flawless." He told her not looking up to face her.  
  
"Heero, she's ours. Not mine, but ours. We made her Heero." He looked up at her with questioning eyes. "Heero, that last night, on earth you spent with me." He looked back down at the child. "I don't need you to stay and try and support us Heero. I just need you to know that we're alive and well."  
  
"Relena, I don't know what to do." She smiled at him.  
  
"If you stick around you'll learn." She started to hand her to Heero. " Take he for a few moments. You need to know what it's like to hold your own daughter." He carefully took her from Relena like she was as fragile as glass. He was in awe of this little sleeping child barely a year old. Of all the enemies he's faced he has never truly been defeated. But in a mater of seconds an infant pulled him apart and found whatever shred of humanity there was in him. Heero smiled at her.  
  
Relena looked at her daughter and her father as he held her. She hoped Heero would stay this time. Heero handed Saline back to her mother, which took her back to the crib and set her down. "How old is she?"  
  
"Barely a year."  
  
"When was her birth day?" He asked.  
  
"4 days ago."  
  
"Relena." He looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry" He lifted his head to meet her gaze.  
  
"It's alright. Just stay. At least for a little while." She looked at him with sincerity. He ran a hand through his hair. He took a step closer to her. They were inches apart. He put his hand on her cheek. His hand moved to her chin as he leaned in.  
  
"I should've done this a long time ago." He whispered as he began to kiss her. After a few seconds he pulled away. He looked deep into her eyes. "I love you Relena." Her eyes shot open after she heard him.  
  
"You. You do?" He nodded with a small smile across his lips.  
  
"I love you too Heero."  
  
"I'm sorry but I must leave for a few weeks. I need to get some things straightened out on earth."  
  
"I'm going with you."  
  
"Relena, what about all that you have here?"  
  
"I have very few social ties here besides for brother and Noin. I had to keep a low profile in case someone should recognize me."  
  
"Are you sure you want to do this?"  
  
"Yes Heero. There's nothing I want more right now then to be with you."  
  
"I can't ask you to live with me."  
  
"Heero, I still have a house in the mountains of the Sanc kingdom." She looked up at him. "It's more than large enough for us to live in." He looked at her and smiled.  
  
"I'll help you pack." She smiled wide and jumped into his arms. He caught her with ease and held her tight. 


	10. Epilouge

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters.  
  
Epilogue  
  
What's Lost? What's Gained?  
  
  
  
The door opened and the blizzard outside came rolling in with the man in his late twenties. He closed the door behind him and turned just in time to see his seven-year-old daughter come running down the stairs to jump into his arms.  
  
"Daddy's home!" she said happily as her dark chocolate brown hair flew around her face. A young boy of the age of three with light brown/blonde hair came down the stairs to meet his father.  
  
"How are my to little angels?" He asked with a smile.  
  
"Daddy!" He yelled as he tried to climb down the stairs. His mother came down just in time to pick up the boy and greet her husband.  
  
"More like little devils." She said sarcastically as she kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"My children? Never." He laughed.  
  
"They just made a mess of their rooms is all. How were the classes?"  
  
"These rookie M.S. pilots all think there the best the world has to offer." She let out a little laugh. Heero set his daughter Saline down and bent down to pick up David. "And how was the big guy today?" The little boy laughed as he was lifted into the air.  
  
"So when are you going to get a normal job and work closer to the house?"  
  
"When Relena Dorlain comes back to life." She hit him on the arm playfully. "You keep that up and you won't be considered a pacifist any more." Relena glared at him. He set David down and began to take his jacket off.  
  
He snaked his arms around Relena's waist and proceeded to kiss her passionately. He then rested his chin on top of her head.  
  
"I invited Duo and Hilde to join us for Christmas, as well as Milliardo and Lu." Relena said.  
  
"Not Duo's four little demons."  
  
"Five. Hilde's pregnant again." Relena laughed a little.  
  
"We better go eat so we can put the little ones to bed."  
  
"Don't forget we still have twelve presents to wrap and Christmas is in less then a week and we're out of paper."  
  
"I'll get it in the morning."  
  
Ten Years Later.  
  
"Well dad, how do I look?" Saline asked her father.  
  
"You remind me of your mother when we were in high school. She wore a dress exactly like that one. I never knew how lucky I was back then to have her."  
  
"That good huh?" Her dark blue eyes matched the dress.  
  
"So when's your boyfriend going to pick you up?" David said with emphasis on 'boyfriend'.  
  
"He's just a friend." She said to her father, Heero. The doorbell rang. "Oh daddy, could you get that? I left my earrings up stairs."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"And don't frighten him. Please!" David shook his head and continued playing his video game.  
  
He opened the door and a young man around the age of seventeen was standing there in a tux with a bouquet of roses. "Is Saline here?" He asked. Heero eyed him up and down.  
  
"Yea. Step inside." The young man stepped inside the cabin. "She'll be down in a minute." She walked down the steps and claimed her date.  
  
"Goodnight daddy." She said as she walked out the door.  
  
"Well it's time I left for John's house." David said as he turned off his game.  
  
"Be careful sweetie" Relena called from upstairs.  
  
"Don't worry mom I will." He yelled up the stairs as he walked out the door.  
  
Relena walked downstairs to her husband. "They grow up to fast." Stated Relena.  
  
"Yea." Was all Heero said.  
  
"When I think back at what you told me of the time when I was supposedly 'dead'. I think it's amazing what you can lose, and what you can gain." Heero nodded in agreement. 


End file.
